A season of Love, colors, flowers and gifts. “There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved” – George Sand.
While celebrating love, how many of us are aware of the people nursing broken hearts. The constant pain they carry with bundles of past memories wrapped around, together with hopelessness that at times leads to even thoughts of giving up on life. Breaking up with someone can be felt like a physical pain, it leaves a trail of unsaid words, insecurities, guilt, lack of self-confidence etc. Break ups are painful because it represents loss not just of the partner but also of the dreams, commitments, promises and future plans.
Some of the feelings that individuals experience after breaking up with their partner
- Surprise, Denial and shock
Initially you find it difficult to accept the fact that you had a break up and feels like you are just having some intrusive thoughts. You won’t be in a position to give up on your loved one and works out all ways to recoup the relationship. You fantasize about your dear one calling you or you bump into him/her. You will also be in a shock that how could your partner who promised to stay forever suddenly could leave you.
- In desperate need for answers
You keep looking for answers to satisfy your heart’s quest to know the reason for him/her to reject you. You tend to question yourself, Am I the one who was wrong? What could have sustained the relationship? Why did it all fall apart? Is something wrong with me? Am I not good enough?
- Fear, loneliness and Sadness
When you get in touch with reality, you realize that what you have lost is forever and can’t be regained anymore. Even if you are surrounded by people you still feel like you are alone, you feels like you have none to share your feelings, you feel anxious of the fact that will you ever find someone like the one you lost or you were forced to give up on due to various reasons.
You feel like checking his /her social media to keep yourself updated about them, to ensure that nobody has taken your place in his /her life. You even attempt to reconcile with your ex via your mutual friends.
- Feeling of Self harm
Sometimes people who go through break up feels like ending life to prove the ex-lover how much they loved them. Also, there will be an urge to express the extend of hurt via hurting oneself.
How to cope with a breakup
- Give yourself a break
It is absolutely fine to grieve over a lost relationship. You may not be able to function normally or be productive at work or at other places for a short period. No one is wonder woman or a superman; take the time to heal re-energize and rebound.
- Get yourself back
Try and find yourself in the chaos that has been disturbing your plans, routines etc. Find the person you once were before the relationship started. You need to nurture and love yourself because its only you that can give yourself the love and respect you deserve, without any attached terms and conditions or any expectations. Its normal to have ups and downs. But remember the stronger version of yourself that has dealt with so many issues that have cropped up before. Learn to smile and live again.
- Don’t rely on alcohol, drugs or medication
When going through a break up you may be tempted to do anything to relieve your feeling of pain and loneliness. But using Drugs, Alcohol or medication doesn’t help as well as can cause adverse effects on your body in the long run. Cry your heart out but don’t drink yourself to sick.
- Create a plan to make you engaged
Break up can interrupt most of the areas of your life. Create a lifestyle that makes you less vulnerable to your past memories. Include things you enjoy may be working out at gym or listening to your favorite music on loud speaker. Have some “ME time” that will help you get back to normal. It can provide a sense of comfort and normalcy.
- Express yourself
Do not bottle up your feelings and emotions. Express your thoughts and feelings at least to a trustful person, who do you think is able to guide you to come out of your past. Do not carry your burden alone instead get help from others, otherwise you will find it unbearable and in the long run will drain you.
- Let go of past, Live in your present and be optimistic about your future
The time spent with your partner was beautiful, but you need to know past is just a phase of your life. The present is right here for you to live and the future is ahead of you to make many more heartfelt memories with new people that are yet to walk into your life.
To sum up, give yourself all the chances to fall in love again, to make new friends and most importantly forgive yourself and those around you. You may be going through a string of emotions but that doesn’t mean things will remain the same.
Keep your face always towards the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you – Walt Whitman.